This post is a little difficult to write but I think it is good to sort through some things. My husband and I have decided to do IVF in May of this year. This gives us a few months to prepare. While I have focused on my physical health, I realize I need to focus on my mental health. Unfortunately, this is much easier said than done. One way I am trying to do this is by surrounding myself with people who will support me and possibly rely on them a little more than I have in the past. It also means ending some relationships that might not be beneficial for myself and others. I always try to be nice and be there for everyone whenever they need me. This is exhausting and I can not do it anymore. I am also really scared because I do not want people to feel like I will ever let them down but I simply can not be everywhere at all times. To start, I am cutting down on my office hours. I am a doctoral student/research assistant/ teacher and students I teach as well as those in my cohort often rely on me for guidance and teaching. I am also usually the first one they call when they have problems or need a friend. I know I am blessed to have skills that I enjoy sharing and teaching to others. Right now though, this can not be my focus anymore. This also applies beyond school. I do not plan to ignore my friends or become MIA in any way. I value these relationships and I hope they can understand why I need to refocus on some things.
Another way I am focusing on developing important relationships is through Facebook. This post is by no means a Facebook bash. Facebook has allowed me to reconnect and maintain important relationships. It also also become a huge distraction in my life. As a 31 year old woman, I can barely get through half my newsfeed without baby related posts. I am always happy for friends who are able to conceive but I do not need to see it over and over. Additionally, as I looked through my friend list, I realized I had several ‘friends’ that I do not keep in touch with or plan to do so in the near future. I wish them well but I do not need to spend my time focusing on their life when I have more than enough stuff to deal with. I decided to eliminate them from my friend list (it ended up being more people than I thought). I know some people might just say I should remove them from by news feed but the whole process felt cathartic and cleansing. Also, now when I log on, I feel a sense of happiness because I see the names of people I love. Speaking of logging on, I took the Facebook app off my phone. That does not mean I will never log on again. I have a bad habit of immediately logging on when I see that red notification number and I wanted to get rid of that distraction. I am sure if someone needs my immediate attention, they know other ways to reach me.