Being Selfish

Published January 25, 2014 by Jennie

This post is a little difficult to write but I think it is good to sort through some things.  My husband and I have decided to do IVF in May of this year.  This gives us a few months to prepare.  While I have focused on my physical health, I realize I need to focus on my mental health.  Unfortunately, this is much easier said than done.  One way I am trying to do this is by surrounding myself with people who will support me and possibly rely on them a little more than I have in the past.  It also means ending some relationships that might not be beneficial for myself and others.  I always try to be nice and be there for everyone whenever they need me.  This is exhausting and I can not do it anymore.  I am also really scared because I do not want people to feel like I will ever let them down but I simply can not be everywhere at all times.  To start, I am cutting down on my office hours.  I am a doctoral student/research assistant/ teacher and students I teach as well as those in my cohort often rely on me for guidance and teaching.  I am also usually the first one they call when they have problems or need a friend.  I know I am blessed to have skills that I enjoy sharing and teaching to others.  Right now though, this can not be my focus anymore.  This also applies beyond school.  I do not plan to ignore my friends or become MIA in any way.  I value these relationships and I hope they can understand why I need to refocus on some things.

Another way I am focusing on developing important relationships is through Facebook.  This post is by no means a Facebook bash.  Facebook has allowed me to reconnect and maintain important relationships.  It also also become a huge distraction in my life.  As a 31 year old woman, I can barely get through half my newsfeed without baby related posts.  I am always happy for friends who are able to conceive but I do not need to see it over and over.  Additionally, as I looked through my friend list, I realized I had several ‘friends’ that I do not keep in touch with or plan to do so in the near future.  I wish them well but I do not need to spend my time focusing on their life when I have more than enough stuff to deal with.  I decided to eliminate them from my friend list (it ended up being more people than I thought).  I know some people might just say I should remove them from by news feed but the whole process felt cathartic and cleansing.  Also, now when I log on, I feel a sense of happiness because I see the names of people I love.  Speaking of logging on, I took the Facebook app off my phone.  That does not mean I will never log on again.  I have a bad habit of immediately logging on when I see that red notification number and I wanted to get rid of that distraction.  I am sure if someone needs my immediate attention, they know other ways to reach me.

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9 comments on “Being Selfish

  • I know what you mean by the red notification…it sucks me in and before I know it, I have wasted 30 minutes of my life that I will ever get back ;/ I’m praying that the next several months will be wonderful and you will be all ready mentally and physically for IVF and then soon a baby 🙂

    waitingforbabybird.com

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  • I understand exactly where you are coming from. In preparation for, and during my ivf process my husband and I sort of went underground. I just cut out anyone who I knew would bring any negatively into my life. I also deactivated Facebook all together. It was best for me. Ivf is a big undertaking & I suggest doing whatever feels right to you. And it is okay to focus wholey on yourself! You deserve it!

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  • I am a doctoral student like you too. Only the past three years of my life have been so consumed with IF stuff that I have really neglected my work. You should be proud of yourself for staying dedicated to your work!
    I get what you’re saying about FB too… I deactivated my own account almost 3 years back and never regretted it one bit. All in the name of self-preservation!

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    • It’s nice to know I am not the only one trying to balance this whole fertility student thing. I am trying to stay on top of things but I know I would have progressed further if I only had school. This semester I dropped a class so I now have 2 and that makes it easier. I am not sure though how it will go once I start my dissertation this summer. Sometimes it can be difficult to prioritize.

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  • I’ve just discovered your blog and it is like I had written it myself. We decided back in August that we were going to start IVF treatment this Jan. It was a really good decision to have a few months to prepare as I had to sort my head out and accept that we were having fertility issues. We’re just in the middle of our first IVF-ICSI cycle and it is going well so far.

    http://www.mylittleoven.net

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