For four years I have tried to get pregnant. For four years I have failed. While no one knows why (there have been LOTS and LOTS of tests, procedures, medications, etc..) we can not do it on our own. Last week I started my last cycle before our IUI. Our game plan consists of the following plays: 1 IUI, IVF (with insurance, we could get through 2 fresh transfers but of course we hope we will have the option of FET if needed), surrogacy (I have already starting doing a lot of research on this), adoption (preferably but at this point I bet we will be broke), and lastly acceptance that we will never be parents.
I can not help but wonder how far we will get down this list. I am trying to focus on all the positives. First of all, my infertility is unexplained. This is partially good. I know that several things that can cause infertility (such as PCOS, endometriosis, blocked tubes, ovulation disorders, thyroid problems, poor egg quality, low sperm count, poor sperm motility, etc) are not issues for us. On the other hand, it is difficult to treat an invisible problem.
Additionally, I am 31 which is not super young but I would say at this point, age is not a huge factor for me. We have good insurance so treatment will be a financial commitment but will not bankrupt us (at least until we go over or max limit for treatments).
Another thing that we have going for us is that I have unusually high tolerance to pain. Needles do not bother me at all. When I got my last tattoo, I read most of the time and almost nodded off. Somehow my brain knows how to block off or at least greatly diminish feelings of physical (and mental) pain. I have been through a lot in the past in addition to infertility so I think this may be my survival tactic for getting through things. My friends sometimes call me a robot which can be good or bad, but in this case, it is good. For those of you who get queasy around needles (which is completely normal), please enjoy the picture below (many of you may have already seen this but it always makes me smile).
I also will not be working during the last half of May and all of June (minus working on my dissertation). I am teaching a class in July but I can easily get someone to fill in for me if I have to miss a day or two.
Even though medical science has failed to identify why I can not get pregnant, I have a tremendous amount of faith in my upcoming fertility treatments. I have researched it ad nauseam and I know that this is our best shot. It has to work for someone so why not me? Although I know that disappointment may await us, I am so thankful that we have access to these types of treatments. All of this will soon be out of our hands. I am keeping my fingers crossed for myself and everyone fighting the exhausting battle against infertility. I promised myself I will not give up even if things do not go our way and really start to suck – Jennie