I get it

Published April 24, 2014 by Jennie

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Today was very strange.  Since the weather is getting warmer, I decided to go shopping for some summer dresses.  I was sifting through the racks at Ross when I saw a woman enter the store.  She looked disheveled and obviously (very) pregnant.  For some reason, I made eye contact with her and she came over to me.  She introduced herself to me and I could tell that she was under the influence of something (I am not sure exactly what though).  She then told me that she was due in a few days and needed help buying baby clothes.  She asked me if I could do anything for her and I just froze.  It was obvious this woman was really down on her luck.  Even so, my initial feeling towards her was jealously.  In retrospect, this is crazy.  Of course I do not know her entire life story but it appeared that my life is much more stable than hers.

I am not sure why but I asked her if she is having a boy or a girl and she told me she did not know because she had not yet been to a doctor.  She also told me that her last three children are girls so she thinks that this one might be a boy.  Before I had time to really say anything else, an employee approached us and asked this woman if she needed any help (I think he may have overheard our conversation).  He told her she needed to leave and I moved on to sift through the next rack of dresses.

When I got home, I decided to get my mind off things with some mindless TV.  I turned on Dr. Phil (I know its awful but I hoped that whoever was on it might make me feel better about my life).  The story focused on a neglected 5 year old boy who was starved and kept locked in a closet.  He lived with his father and stepmother who had 6 children and one on the way.

I hate focusing on the negative but sometimes I could not help but wonder why the hell that women gets to have so many children and I can not even have one.  Seriously, just one and I would be happy.  My husband and I are both very stable and have the resources and skills necessary to become loving parents.  I feel like I already love a child who may or may not ever exist which breaks my heart.  I just want a chance that’s all.

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25 comments on “I get it

  • I share your pain Carol… Why is it so easy for unprepared or undeserving people, and people like us, who really planned out so that our child would have a good life, are left with empty arms? I wish I had the answers.. the truth is, life isn’t fair.. and we all have to learn to accept with our problems and find ways to be happy in spite of them.

    Liked by 1 person

  • I feel your pain. it’s very hard to see. I have flipped it for myself and when I am faced with the pregnancies and motherhood of other women I take it as signs that I am not to give up on getting these things for myself. it’s easier said then done at times but on the days when your heart will allow it, it can really help to turn your pain into hope.

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  • I am obsessed with bad mothers. Any news story I can read. I don’t know why. I don’t know what part of me is using it as a coping mechanism, but I can’t stop. How odd this woman and you crossed paths at the same time. It’s really hard, I know. Life seems so unbearably unfair sometimes.

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  • I’m so sorry, some days are just so hard and hearing about neglected children and women who get pregnant so easily are just not fun to hear about. I’m
    Hoping and praying you’ll get the chance to be a mother because I know you’ll make a great one!

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  • These are also the things I find the hardest. You just want to reach up and slap them! I often have to just leave as I cannot handle seeing and thinking… Thinking of you.

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  • I’ve been there. I totally get it. Life can be unfair & cruel at times. And doesn’t make much sense at all, does it?
    So many people who shouldn’t be having kids, do. And the ones that are prepared & would be amazing parents cant. Go figure.

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  • I know how you feel. I even told my husband (jokingly) that I should become an alcoholic or meth addict so that we can have a baby because it seems as if so many addicts also have such high fertility. Of course, I’m not going to do that because I have no desire to actually do drugs lol.

    There is a girl that I am friends with that just announced she is pregnant with baby #8. It’s so hard to hear her talk about her pregnancy because I feel like she already has 7….and I can’t even make it to a heartbeat with #1. Our time will come!

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  • I can imagine how difficult having a conversation with that woman must have been. It’s difficult to remember that God has plans for good and not to harm us in moments like these. I have faith that you will get your take home baby one day, but I understand exactly how you felt in that situation!

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  • I love the quote at the beginning… may I borrow it for my blog! I’ll give full credit to you. Keep hope alive… there is always a way through and always a resolution. Follow your heart – I have had this happen to me before and each time it leaves me feeling so frustrated with the life I’ve been given… All we want is just one! Blessings to you and Hugs… thanks for following:)

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