I am ready

Published June 8, 2014 by Jennie



IUI #3 failed.  I have cried about it, been mad about it, accepted it, and moved on.  I am now 100% ready for IVF.  Even though I have been struggling with infertility for four years, I have only recently been able to honestly say this.  We have learned a lot with everything we have done up to this point (except of course the cause of our infertility) and I can now say I am ready for the next step.

One thing that has really helped is this blog.  I know I can never prepare for everything that can come with IVF but I know a hell of a lot more than I did even just six months ago.  A lot of this comes from reading the experiences of other people who have gone through IVF.  I am so grateful that other bloggers are willing to share these experiences.  Doctors are great but I feel like I learn just as much (if not more) from people actually know what it is like.

Even though I am ready now, I am still scared.  My husband and I have discussed what we may do if IVF fails (and also if it works).  It is a little scary to think about going through the process, not having it work, and having to deal with the very real fact that I am never carry a child or be a parent.

We have decided to start the IVF process in August with a retrieval in September.  There is no perfect time to do it but we have decided that this time works best.  I am teaching a five week morning microeconomics class starting in July.  After that, I do not teach again until the spring semester.  During the fall, I will have no classes and will dedicate most of my time to my dissertation.  This of course is a lot of work but time wise, it is very flexible.  I can also scale back the amount of work I do as needed.

I added a link to one of my favorite songs that I feel relates to this post.  It is Colorblind by the Counting Crows.  Besides the fact that it is one of my favorite songs of all time, I feel that it does relate to this post and how I feel about undergoing IVF.

I hope everyone has a wonderful week! – xoxox Jennie

36 comments on “I am ready

  • I’m happy to hear you are moving forward. I’m here if you want any advise. I have been through 2 fresh cycles in 6 months. Enjoy the time until it starts your schedule will be jam packed 😉


  • I used to wonder why I did so many IUIs before going to IVF. Now I’m wondering if 45 is too old to adopt. It’s not an option I want but it is there. It’s just not an option we can take at this time. I’m also toying with the idea of doing a couple more IUIs. Nothing is 100% guaranteed in life, as I have learned with 1 failed IVF behind me. I have to move forward.

    I’m glad you are moving forward. IVF is scary and extremely emotional. Even though I’ve been through it before and know what to expect, I’m still terrified. People ask me all the time what will I do if this attempt fails. All I can say is that God is in control and He knows what he is doing.

    I’ll be praying that you get your miracle soon. Hugs.


  • I’m excited for you! When we knew IVF was the only choice, I felt a renewed sense of hope. And when three IVF cycles failed, I really thought it may never work. I won’t be a parent to my own child. And there were a lot of fears and other complications associated to that. I’m lucky our fourth worked. It was our second fresh cycle. But I followed my gut when I knew trying that last FET was going to be a waste of money and time and well, it was well worth the added expense and time.
    If I had some advice for anyone who’s going through IVF is to not give up. As long as you have the will, keep going. And also to really try and take one day at a time. Try not to jump too far ahead. Trust that what’s meant to happen will. And if it never does, you’ll never have regretted not trying your very best.
    This is a very emotional journey and I wish you the very, very best outcome. Just keep hanging on.


    • Thank you so much for your advice and kind words if encouragement. It really does help me through it and gives me a sense of peace. I am so glad you persevered and listened to to your gut feeling.


      • I’m happy if I can be a source of hope. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You just have to stay strong.


  • Hey there, IVF is totally scary. But it’s also not! I promise. What I have found (and you can feel free to take or leave my perspective – no pressure from me) is that while you’re cycling it’s easy. The first couple of injections have this weird, frantic novelty and then that wears off and it’s like a diabetic taking insulin – you just do it. Then there’s all the monitoring and the fascinating changes to your body (for example I always felt the most pregnant when my egg use were growing versus when I was actually pregnant) and before you know it, it’s time to retrieve. Then admittedly the time between retrieval and implantation is a major drag. Then you implant and it’s an INTENSE 2 ww. Like cuckoo bananas intense 🙂 but that’s normal. And then to be perfectly honest the hardest part comes with the beta. If it’s successful which has never happened to me on a fresh cycle, I can only imagine it feels like success with an FET – thank god it’s over, onto being pregnant. But, and I am just being honest here, if you’re not pregnant, all of the anxiety and fear and fatigue from the fresh cycle hit you like a wall. And then it’s a matter of picking yourself back up, starting from scratch and reconciling yourself with what came before – IVF seems yo take a little while to catch up with you.

    I’ve probably made it sound awful, but it’s okay – you do a little at a time and everyone here will support you and understand.


    • I really appreciate your insight. We are actually not going to do a fresh cycle at all so I am not sure if that makes things better or worse. I think at this point, I am just ready for it to happen. We are going to try it a few times (I would like to only do one retrieval) but if it fails over and over, we are going to go to something else. Thanks again.


  • I’m sorry to hear about your IUI cycle. It’s always so rough. Hopefully the IVF cycles will work out well! I have my fingers crossed for you!


  • First and foremost I am so sorry to hear the news :(. I have been checking for your update a while now and was really hoping no news was good news. Wishing you the very best on your IVF journey. Also, thank you for posting what is also my favorite song! Something about it is so calming; I just love it. Sending prayers and good juju your way!


  • I love that song too! I really hope that IVF will work for you! Maybe try to enjoy the summer before you gear up for the cycle? Sending lots of luck your way!


  • It sounds like we are in the boat together. We’ve been dealing with infertility for about 4 years. We had failed IUI attempt 6 a couple months ago. We should be starting the IVF process either in July or August, depending on what the dr says. We have no idea what is causing the ‘unexplained’ infertility. The only thing that has been suggested is that my eggs are somehow damaged or something, and the only way to know for sure its the eggs is by doing an IVF cycle so they can look at them. I am super terrified of the whole process but I know that this is the only way to finally have a *possible* answer. Best of luck to you and to everyone else dreaming to bring home a baby of their own. xo


    • I am so sorry to hear about you struggles. I really hate unexplained infertility. I know other diagnoses are difficult but it drives me insane not having answers. I really hope your IVF works! Enough is enough right?


  • I’m right there with you ladies: age 35, 6 failed IUIs a couple yrs after a late-term loss, getting ready to start IVF. I’m feeling laid-back about it, though, am done stressing and agonizing and being totally depressed over something not in my control. That said, I am not looking forward to being on hormones (ugh). Best of luck to all, there’s something about knowing that it’s a common problem that gives a bit of strength…


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