Expired

Published June 17, 2014 by Jennie

calendar Tonight my aunt in coming into town  today.  I am so excited to see her.  My husband and I do not live near our families and I always feel like we do not see them as much as I would like  To get ready for her visit, I figured I would tidy up the house.  I am somewhat of a neat freak and actually like cleaning.  I really like super cleaning.  There is just something cathartic about it.  I also recently tried a new recipe for an all purpose cleaner.

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This is a little off topic, but I like to make my own cleaning and personal products when possible to avoid adding more chemicals in our house.  In case anyone is interested, I save all my recipes I find on my Pinterest account.

I also organized everything in our bathroom closet.  While doing so, I  found some of my old ovulation tests.

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My heart sank a little when I realized that my old ovulation tests have expired.  I was not upset because I had to throw them out.  I stopped doing ovulation testing a long time ago.  The reason is because it stopped giving me useful information.  Every month I tested, I would get a positive result.  My cycle is very regular so I could pretty much predict the exact day I would ovulate.  I can also feel it in my body if that makes sense.  I actually tried several different tests hoping that one would not show I ovulated.  For anyone trying to TTC, I know that sounds crazy.  The reason I wanted one to show I did not ovulate is because I could then possibly identify a potential problem.  If I know what is wrong, I may be able to fix it.

This test reminded me that I have been fighting an invisible problem for a long time.  I wonder what it would be like if we had gotten pregnant with no issues.  I would have a toddler now.  It saddens me to think about all joy (and even the headaches) we have missed out on over the last several years.  Time goes by so fast.  I have not lost hope but sometimes little things (like seeing this test) but things into perspective.

To make this post a little more positive, I attached a cheesy picture of one of our past vacations.  I sometimes need to remind myself to appreciate the good times in life.

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12 comments on “Expired

  • When you said aunt, I thought it was a euphemism for Aunt Flow. This is what infertility does to me.
    I am also fighting an invisible battle. I don’t know what’s wrong. Reproductively, both of us are normal. This leads me to all kind of crazy thoughts like maybe it’s something else, like autoimmune or heart disease or I don’t know what. I don’t particularly want Endo or PCOS or any of the other potential issues, but sometimes I feel like at least those things have names and treatment protocol. I feel like my treatment protocol here “let’s try this and maybe it will work.”

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    • I completely relate to everything you say. As for reading that as Aunt Flow, stuff like that happens to me all the time. Even my phone knows I am infertile. It often tries to autocorrect things to IF terms because u use them so much.

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  • One thing I will say is, maybe if you were pregnant or had a child, you wouldn’t have the experiences with your husband that you have now. I always try to look at things in a different way, as hard as it may be at times. Sometimes we get so caught up in the infertility, we forget what we do have and what is important / a blessing in our life now.

    It is great that you are looking into alternatives to medicine too. I’ve tried a variety of things, from maya abdominal massages to now a chiropractor (not for fertility but for my back, although the practitioner is saying it could help). No harm in trying alternatives in the meantime, you never know what small changes could help.

    Praying to hear some good news from you sometime soon! Sending you my best wishes.

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