Happy Birthday?

Published January 5, 2015 by Jennie

So tomorrow is my birthday. I turn the big 32. I try my best to stay positive with birthdays. I lost my brother when he was 19 so I learned a while back to be thankful for every year you get. Even so, birthdays are painful. It reminds me that another year has gone by with no child and no pregnancy. I remember turning 27 (when we first started trying) thinking how bad it would be if I got to 28 and I was still not pregnant. Here I am at (almost) 32 and I feel like I am in the same place.

I also started my blog about a year ago. Almost everyone I followed back then has moved on (often by getting pregnant). I know how crappy infertility is and I am genuinely happy for them but I can’t help but feeling a bit jealous (which is awful I know).

Even though I feel like I am in the same place, I know that in reality this is not true. This year we have something that we never had before. We now have everything set up to start our very first transfer…..horray! I had to wait for AF to start and of course it was super late but everything is set and I am ready to get this party started! Today is day 1 of birth control bills. I am going out of town next week so my first RE appointment is the 19th. Even so, I say that today is officially day one of the whole process.

About a month ago I wrote a post about our struggle to decide whether we should transfer 1 or 2 blastocysts. Ours went through PGS which increased not only the chance of success but the change of twins. We poured over any information I could possibly find about the pros and cons of singletons vs. twins. Ultimately, we decided to transfer 1 boy. In the end, that was just what felt right. The only reason we picked a boy is because we have more of them (4 vs. 3). If this transfer does not work, we will deterimine if we need to change our game plan. If anything, I am relieved that we finally made a decision.

Although I have learned everything I possibly can about transfers, for some reason, I feel like I do not know what to expect. I am excited but also super nervous. Hope 2015 is going well for everyone so far! – Jennie

40 comments on “Happy Birthday?”

  • Thanks for sharing your experiences. I also have a 32nd birthday this month, and had the exact same thoughts when I was 27. I can relate to the conflicting emotions of jealousy and happiness for others. Then, for me, the guilt that I let the jealousy “win” most of the time. Best of luck to you in 2015. 🙂

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    • Wow that is interesting that we have similar timelines. If feels like 27 was forever ago. I think some part of me will always be a little jealous of other women but I try my best to focus on my happiness for them. Best of luck to you as well!

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  • 32 is going to be the perfect age to have your first baby. I can feel it. I know lots of women fighting this battle closer to 40. You are a spring chicken :). Best of luck!!

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  • You are definitely ahead of where you were a year ago but I can definitely relate to the feeling. Thinking of you and praying for you as you prepare for your transfer! Can’t wait for me to be in the same place in the coming months.

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  • You are in a great position for success! Happy birthday and best of luck with your transfer! I felt like I didn’t know anything about transfers either, but it is definitely much easier than the IVF! Much more low key and hopefully the thing that works!

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  • I’ve been there too so don’t be hard on yourself – ever. I was envious of everyone I knew getting pregnant and didn’t want to spend any time with them. It was too painful and a reminder of my own struggles. I remember also seeing how many ladies I followed on TTC blogs got pregnant, had their babies AND wait…..pregnant with their second all the while I was still TTC. It doesn’t seem fair at all.

    How does PGS increase your odds?

    I hope your IVF works for you on he first try. I’m going to be watching and waiting for your updates!!!

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    • lol thanks! I hope it works on try 1 as well but that does not seem to happen often from the blogs I read. PGS eliminates the blastocysts that have any type of chromosomal abnormalities or aneuploidies. About half mine were abnormal in some way which is normal. Abnormal ones will often fail to implant and if they do, will likely miscarry. It adds a lot to the IVF process but for us it was worth it.

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      • Wow that’s amazing. Science is some thing to be amazed with. I hope you success on the first try. Really do. Most women get preggo by second attempt. My RE told me a one point. So I’m in the minority.

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  • I’ve battled with IF for years. After an ectopic, 7 years of trying, and 2 IVFs we FINALLY got our BFP 1 week before I turned 40. So I know what you’re feeling- I felt that way thru half my twenties and my entire 30 something gig. ((Sigh)) I wish you all the best

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  • I’ll be 32 on the 21st and I’m currently on day 3 of stims. I come from a big family and my siblings have huge families of their own. I got married at 27 and, like you, figured I’d have my baby by 28. No such luck. BUT after 1 mc and 1 fresh cycle I go have my miracle, rainbow, little boy. I’m hoping this cycle brings his sister or brother! Best of luck…I’ll be cheering for you!

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  • I will keep you in my prayers! P.S. It is totally normal to feel jealous. I sure did at times! (and still do sometimes :/) Keep your head up! Thanks for the nice comment also on my blog. 🙂

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