Update

Published March 5, 2016 by Jennie

It has been exactly 6 months since I have logged in. So much has happened since then! On Tuesday I defended my dissertation (yay!) so now I finally have some free time to do other things. I miss reading other people’s blogs and look forward to doing that again. I am also still incredibly grateful for the support I received during our last pregnancy. I miss you guys!

The rest of this post may be a trigger for some. Believe me I have been there and I understand!

After our first miscarriage I had no desire to continue trying. I could not imaging ever having to ever go through that again. As time went on, we got to the point where we were ready to give it another try (I wrote about that here). Unfortunately, our transfer was cancelled due to thin lining. My RE figured it was from my D&E since my lining was very good at my first transfer. We waited a few months and tried again. This time things looked better.

I was not really sure what to expect. My first beta was in the 4,000s (I never got the exact number). When I got my first BFP I was ecstatic. This time the first thing I felt was fear. Pregnancy after a miscarriage is terrifying. My second beta was 10,000 and I still felt scared (I am not sure if that feeling ever goes away).

At 5w6d I was teaching my undergraduates. I felt a gush and put up a problem for my students and went to the bathroom. My heart sank. I called my RE and they told me to come in. I cried the whole way there. Everything actually looked good and they could not even find a reason for the bleeding. We went back a week and a half later and heard the heartbeats.

At 10w we went to the obgyn for the first time. This was really hard. Last time we were there, we saw our little boy who looked perfect but had lost his heartbeat. I miss him so much and think about him all the time.

At 17w4d we had another scare. I thought I was possibly leaking amniotic fluid. A ph test and ultrasound confirmed that was not the case but it was really scary.

At 18w1 we had our anatomy scan. It felt like the longest 45 minutes of my life. They took about 80 images. They also measured my cervix. Everything looked great. We still are going to go to MFM every 4 weeks due to being high risk.

Well here they are. This is from our MFM appointment at 13w1d.

I also found out that both placentas are anterior, which is why I have not felt a thing! This is what an anterior placenta looks like.

anterior-placenta-picture

This has been an exciting but difficult process. I am so lucky to have support from my friends and family. My husband has also been incredible. Despite an insane work schedule with lots of travel, he has made every appointment and is a constant source of support. I do not know what the future holds but whatever happens, I do not have to face it alone.

I really look forward to seeing how everyone is doing and possibly find some new stories to follow. XOXOXOXO – Jennie

 

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48 comments on “Update

  • Congrats!!! I am so happy to hear from you. What exciting news…twins! I’m glad that even with the bumps in the road, things are working out for you and your hubby. Hoping the rest of the pregnancy continues to go smoothly!!

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  • OMG that is SO awesome to hear! It reminds me of my wife’s pregnancy with our second child – while we were terrified for our first because of all the years and miscarriages and fertility issues … the reality is that it was smooth sailing.

    The second one sounds just like what you are experiencing – she had bleeding, unusual discharge, and on and on.

    … and THAT baby turned 18 just over a week ago and is preparing to head to college in the fall πŸ™‚

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    • Thank you so much for your comment. That is exactly what I needed to hear! For some reason, I can not accept that this pregnancy may work. Of course nothing is guaranteed but so far everything looks good.
      Congrats on getting ready to set your baby off to college. I am sure you are super proud πŸ™‚

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  • Oh I am so happy for you!!! Pregnancy after loss is so hard but I have found it getting easier and easier as time goes on. Once I had a great anatomy scan the dark cloud started to lift. I hope the same happens for you too. Xx

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    • I do feel better now that we have had our anatomy scan and it looked good. Even so part of of me is still nervous. We have been trying forever! I turned 33 in January and I was 27 when I started trying.
      Btw, congrats to you as well. I have not had a chance to catch up with everyone’s blog but I took a quick look at yours. I look forward to reading your recent posts πŸ™‚ Thank again!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think you are right! It’s hard to explain to people who haven’t struggled. Sometimes I feel like people do not understand that I am incredibly grateful for this pregnancy but it’s also hard to get excited.

        Liked by 1 person

  • Oh Jennie.. Congratulations!! I’m so happy to see an update from you. Pregnancy after loss is hard. I’m now in the final weeks (36wks) after 4 miscarriages. I’m so, so happy to read this update from you!

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    • Yeah I saw. Congrats! I am so happy for you…eek! After my m/c I had to take a break from everything (including blogging) but I still thought about all the bloggers out there including you. You have always been a huge source of inspiration to me. Now that I have defended by dissertation I have some down time and I look forward to catching up on your story.

      You are right that pregnancy after loss is hard. I am so scared but at the same time I am incredibly grateful for this pregnancy. I am trying to take it one day at a time.

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      • I totally understand why you’d need time. After our 4th loss, I took a blogging break too and needed to regain control over my life (seeing a therapist, losing weight, etc). I truly believe you need to do what you need to do to survive. But I’m so glad to see that you’re back. Congrats on defending your dissertation. And that’s all you can do- take it one day at a time, one milestone at a time. I have been fighting anxiety this whole pregnancy by celebrating our little girl because I’ve decided she doesn’t deserve to feel my fear and anxiety. Every time I’m anxious, I do something to prepare for her. Looking forward to more blog updates from you and congrats! I’m so, so happy for you.

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      • You always have such a wonderful way with words! That is exactly what we did. We found a great therapist and focused on recovery for several months. I still have goods and bad days. Just this Friday my husband said something similar about anxiety (we were on our way to our 18 anatomy scan and I was a mess). I will always be anxious but our babies deserve to be celebrated. I’m trying my best to let go and move forward.

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  • Omg, twins!!! This is so exciting! I’m so happy for you πŸ˜€ One of each- that is so exciting. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and hopefully the next 20 weeks will go perfectly. Congrats! *hugs*

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    • Thanks so much! It would be great for the second half of this pregnancy to go well. I keep waiting for things to fall apart. It’s hard to think that this may actually work. I am trying my best to stay positive!

      Liked by 1 person

  • First of all, congrats on defending your dissertation! That is so huge!! I’m in preparations now for defending my proposal so I’m nowhere near where you are, but so happy for you! Secondly, congrats on your successful IVF cycle! Wishing you all the best for these two precious babies!

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