anxiety

All posts tagged anxiety

Decisions

Published June 27, 2014 by Jennie

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If you are unfamiliar with my blog, my husband and I have decided to start the IVF process in August (retrieval in September and transfer in October).  This morning I had a long conversation with my doctor and we decided to make a few more changes.  This included gradually come off Sertraline (Zoloft).  This is a really big deal for me.  Like infertility, it bothers me that mental illnesses (including anxiety) are taboo topics.  Even so, they are both huge parts of my life so I am going to talk about them.

While I am not a doctor, I know that anxiety is a real condition that can be crippling at times.  I have struggled with it since I was a kid.  People often told me to just get over things or toughen up.  While these people may mean well, anxiety is not something I could simply overcome.  It is oven involuntary and does lead to physical symptoms.  For me, anxiety can make some things that may seem easy very difficult.  For example, when my anxiety was at its worst, little things like standing in line at the grocery store or even leaving my house was enough to give me a panic attack.  It got so bad that it lead to other things and caused me to miss a semester of college (I still managed to graduate on time).

For several years, I took Citalopram (Celexa).  About a year ago, my husband and I decided to get serious about infertility treatments and my doctor recommended I switch to Zoloft.  Celexa is rated as a category C drug for pregnant women.  If you Google a drug and the word pregnancy, its rating will appear on the right.  You can read more about the categories here.  Zoloft still has risks but my RE felt a little better about this one.

In the last 8 months or so, I have made MANY health changes.  I have been working hard on learning new ways to manage anxiety (including yoga, meditation, relaxation techniques, counseling, etc).  I feel that I am now ready to wean myself off Zoloft.

Even so, doing this is scary.  There are risks associated with coming off certain medications.  Additionally, I know that it is important to be healthy if I do get pregnant and anxiety can be detrimental to my health.  I feel like I have carefully weighed the options and I am making the right decision.

As I always say, this (or anything I write in my posts) is not recommendations to other people.  In many cases, the benefits of remaining on certain medications outweigh the risks.  I am sharing my story because I always enjoy the feedback I get from other bloggers.  Has anyone else struggled with this issue?  I sincerely appreciate it when people share their experiences with me.  It reminds me that I am not alone.  Also, I have found that I learn the most from other people who have been through similar situations. xoxoxoxo – Jennie

Confronting Old Demons

Published January 31, 2014 by Jennie

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This evening I was at my gym doing my thing when an old demon crept up.  I have always been into exercising  Even so, I have changed my motivation to work out.  In the past, I used to exercise because I was terrified of gaining weight.  I am not sure where it came from but I even remember as far back as when I was 11 and weighed 60 pounds and I wondered if that was too high.   I also remember the first time I weighted triple digits (I was 24) and I felt sick to my stomach.  In the past, working out used to mean running on the treadmill until I felt lightheaded and then running some more.  Today I saw a girl at the gym who could not have been above a size 2.  I want to make it clear that I do not judge her.  The is no one size fits all when it comes to body size.  I really hate it when people give others (especially women) a hard time for their body size because they think they are too small, big, etc.  When I saw this girl though, I had a temporary longing to go back to my old ways.  When I was smaller, I felt more in charge of my life.  I also liked the attention.  People used to frequently tell me how they wished they could be as small as me.

I know that being underweight makes it difficult to conceive.  Sometimes I get really frustrated though because I feel that I may never get so pregnant so I minus well go back to being the really skinny girl.  For a long time, it was my identity.  Fortunately, as time goes on, these thoughts occur less and less.  I know there is a possibility I may never have children.  Even so, I still should take care of myself.  There are more reasons to get healthy than just fertility.  This is all still a work in progress but I feel like I am going in the right direction.  Now I incorporate things into my workout (such as weight training) that I would never had considered in the past.  Tonight I danced my ass off in Zumba and for an hour, I forgot about this whole infertility thing.  I feel good.