So for those of you not familiar with my blog, my husband I decided to look into IVF in December of last year. He started a new job that has pretty incredible infertility coverage. We figured since we have been trying and failing for four years with zero explanations, this may be something we want to do. His job and my school schedule make it difficult to do anything until May so I decided back in December to do everything I can to improve my mental and physical well-being as a way to prepare for IVF.
Yesterday I got together with one of my friends I had not seen in several months. He told me he could tell I am different now. I look different, I act different, and I feel different. I am not perfect (by far) but I never would have thought I could change so much in such a relatively short period of time. While it has been hard at times, I can’t even begin to explain how glad I am that I have made these changes (if you are interested in learning more about what I have done you can refer to my prior post).
While I have been preparing for fertility treatments I have not been focused on trying to get pregnant which has been really great. After four years, I needed a break. I am not obsessing over all the normal TTC stuff which has helped focus on some other things I had been neglecting. It is also nice to not fall apart and feel like a failure every month. I am now able to remember that there are a few things I am good at. I am a doctoral student and during the last few months, I have made some pretty good strides in my research.
This may sound strange but I am a little nervous about getting back into TTC mode in a few months. For me, it means getting back to endless testing/poking/prodding which in the past has always led to disappointment. Even so, I feel that I have done everything I can to prepare myself for this process. I think if I tried IVF a year ago and it did not work, I would not have been able to handle it well. I do not know how I would handle it now but I think I have reached a point where I would be okay (at least eventually). For some reason, it is difficult to think about how I might react if it worked. Even so, I know that is a possibility and I can allow myself to get a little excited thinking about it possibly working
The truth is that this whole process does scare me a little. In the past, I do not think I could admit that to myself. I am as ready as I will ever be. My husband and I recently finalized our infertility game plan for May. We are going to complete one more IUI first and then IVF for sure if it does not work. We did two IUIs last year but did not have any infertility coverage and we did not include any monitoring. I am going to give it my best shot. If anyone has any suggestions to prepare for IUI or IVF, please do share. Also, on a side note, one of my friends is having her bachelorette party at the beach in July. If all of this does not work, I can at least tell myself I can have more fun at the party. If not, I will have other great things to look forward 🙂 – Jennie